A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday

the 3 bears come back home
Father bear: some one ate my porridge!
mother bear: some one ate my porridge too!!
Bear son: forget that porridge!! some one took our VCR!

George was 29 and still single. All of his friends were married, but George just dated and dated.
One day Bill asked him why he wasn't married. "Don't you want to settle down? Are you holding out for the perfect woman? Are you having trouble meeting someone compatible?"
"Actually," George replied, "I've found many women I would have been happy to marry. Things always start off fine, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother never approves of them."
Bill thinks for a moment. "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mom!"
A few months later Bill ran into George again. George looked a little depressed so Bill asked how things were going. "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother approve?"
George shrugged his shoulders. "Yes, I found the perfect girl. Yes she was just like my mom. Yes, you were right, not only did my mom approve, but they became good friends."
"What's the problem?" asked Bill.
"My father can't stand her."

Doctor is doing his round in the ward, in the nutters hospital , when one crazy loon starts warbling.."Doctor I'm going to run you over and the rest of the staff in my 4x4"...Doctor replies "but sir you can't drive and you don't own a car" ..the patient in the next bed leans over and whispers to the doctor.. "psst don't tell him that he pays me 15 pounds a week to clean his motor"

Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, Vietnam, 1969."

The other points his thumb behind him and says, "Dog crap, 20 feet back."

__________________

The first one is best joke that I have ever heard! Great!

A little guy gets a window seat on a plane. A burly, mean-looking guy plops down in the seat next to him and promptly falls asleep.

During the flight, the little guy starts to feel airsick but is afraid to wake the big guy up to get to the restroom.

Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and the little guy pukes all over the big guy's chest. Five minutes later, the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him.

"So," says the little guy, "are you feeling better now?"

A zookeeper spotted a visitor throwing several $10 bills into the elephant exhibit.

"Why are you doing that?" asked the keeper.

"The sign says it's OK," replied the visitor.

"No, it doesn't."

"Yes it does. It says 'Do not feed. $10 fine.'"

Did you know goldfish don't like to watch television?
Yeah, they're afraid they might get hooked.

Some tourists were on a safari in the jungles of a little-explored farwaway country when they were captured by cannibals.

"Oh yes!" the chief of the tribe exclaimed.
"We're going to put you all into big pots of water, cook you and eat you!"
"You can't do that to me," a member of the tour said. "I'm the editor of a big newspaper."
"Well," the chief responded. "Tonight you will be editor-in-chief."