Asian Lady

author: anonymous

The story goes that there was this Asian lady married to an English gentleman and they lived in London. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but managed to communicate with her husband.

The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs.

The butcher got the message and the lady went home with pork legs. The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know how to say, and so she unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast. The lady
got what she wanted.

The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. She brought her husband to the store...

Haircut

author: unknown

There is this good ol' barber in some city in the US. One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: "I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a community service." The florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

A cop goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: "I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a community service." The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door.

An Asian software engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber and barber replies; "I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a community service." The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there - a dozen Asians waiting for a free haircut...

Joke about Memories

author: Floridian

An 80 year-old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them.
When they arrived at the doctor's, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor tells them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them
remember things.

The couple thanked the doctor and left.
Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his wife asks, "Where are you going?"
He replies, "To the kitchen."
She asks, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
He replies, "Sure."
She then asks him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"
He says, "No, I can remember that."
She then says, "Well I also would like some strawberries on top.
You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget that." He says, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
She replies, "Well I also would like whip cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down." With irritation in his voice, he says, "I don't need to write that down I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes he returns from the kitchen and hands her a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment and says, "You forgot my toast"

The Student

Chong was studying Engineering in Britain. He soon began missing his fried rice, so one day he walked into a corner Greek store to order a takeaway. But Chong had difficulty rolling his R's and stressing his L's, so when he went into the store, he said, "I want some flied lice."

"What?" said the Greek store owner.

"Flied lice,"repeated Chong.

"Hey, listen to this!" the nasty store owner told the others in the shop. "What is it you want, sonny? Say it again."

And Chong said it again, they all laughed. This happened every time Chong went into the store to order fried rice. One day, Chong decided to show them a thing or two, so he spent a whole week practicing. Confidently, he strolled into the Greek store.

"Oh, it's you again. We missed you," said the store owner," said the store owner exaggeratedly. "Now what would you like?"

"Fried Rice, thanks," said Chong.

A stunned silence fell over the store. "What was that again, sonny?" asked the store owner, not sure he heard correctly.

"Fried Rice," repeated Chong.

"I...I... are you sure, you want... what was it?" asked the owner.

Chong was getting exasperated. "Fried rice! Fried rice! What's the matter? Are you deaf, you gleek plick?"

Japanese, Indo, & Malay

author: asianjoke

Once upon a time three people were stranded out at sea - A Japanese, a Malaysian and an Indonesian. The boat started leaking and if they do not act fast they would all die.

The Japanese (as usual) was the first to take the initiative. He threw all his Japanese gizmo - CD player, hi-fi, radio etc. off the boat. The Malaysian and the Indonesian looked at him in disbelief.

The Japanese said, "Don't worry.. still got a lot more in my country.. BANZAIIIEE!"

But the boat was still sinking. The Indonesian without hesitation started throwing aboard all his baju batik, kain batik, keretek, etc., etc. He comforted the other two, "Don't worry.. still have a lot more in my country, paknya".

But still the boat was sinking. The Japanese and the Indonesian looked at the Malaysian. Suddenly, without any hesitation and with stride, the Malaysian threw the Indonesian overboard. The poor guy couldn't swim and drowned. The Japanese was shocked. Said the Malaysian, "Don't worry... still got a lot more in MY country!!!".

The Lion and the Turkey

author: unknown

There once was a lion, whose best friend was a turkey.
There was a great famine and the lion was pretty hungry, so the turkey ate him and put him out of his misery.

A little boy wrote to Santa ...

author: unknown

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister."
Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."

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Med school..., HAHAHAHA!!!

author: Unknow

This is why your mother tells you from early on to be observant!

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body.

For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them,

"The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."

lovely aint it???

IT COULD BE WORSE

author: Collection

Frank constantly irritated his friends with eternal optimism. No matter how horrible the circumstance, he would remake: “It could have been worse.” To cure him of this annoying habit, his friend decided to invent a situation so bad, so terrible, that even Frank could find no hope in it.
On the golf course one day, a friend said: “Frank, did you hear about Tom? He came home last night, found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, then return the gun on himself.”
“That’s horrible.” Frank said, “But it could be worse.”
“How could it possible any worse?” the friend asked angrily.
“Well,” Frank answered, “If it happened the night before, I’d be dead.”

It is not as big as Microsoft

author: Unknown

The Director of Microsoft recruited a beautiful secretary. At the first day of working, the director invited the secretary to have dinner then enjoy a night with him. The second day, some members in her office asked : " How do you think about our director " ans the seretary answer briefly : " Miro ... and soft .."