An inmate at our prison asked to go to the infirmary.

"It's acne," he said.
"I get it whenever I come to jail."
"Let me get this straight," I said. "Everytime you come to jail, you break out."

Two blondes suddenly got into bird hunting and were eager to try it out for themselves. They had read that a birddog is a great and useful accessory in bird hunting, so they decided to go to the pet shop and buy one. They asked for a well-trained birddog, and got one. The two blondes immediately went to the woods to try it out. The dog didn't work. No matter how hard they tried, it just didn't follow their commands. They became really frustrated and one of the blondes said to her companion, “Okay, we'll give him one more try. We'll throw him in the air one more time and if he doesn't fly, we're taking him back to the store!”

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "Okay, now what?"

Peter comes at school with white face.
teacher says:- maybe you are ill?
No- answers Peter- mom washed me.

Equal positive integers

author: unknown

Theorem: All positive integers are equal.

Proof: Sufficient to show that for any two positive integers, A and B, A = B.

Further, it is sufficient to show that for all N > 0, if A and B (positive integers) satisfy (MAX(A, B) = N) then A = B.

Proceed by induction.

If N = 1, then A and B, being positive integers, must both be 1. So A = B.

Assume that the theorem is true for some value k. Take A and B with MAX(A, B) = k+1. Then MAX((A-1), (B-1)) = k. And hence (A-1) = (B-1). Consequently, A = B.

Penis lenth

author: Suss jokes

this guy walks in to a drug store and says his penis is --- this big the clerk says take ten of these pill and come back in a week. a couple of days later another guy walks into the drug store and says his penis is -- this big so the clerk gets the same pills and says take 100 of these and come back in a week.
Another guy walks into the grug store and says i dont have a penis and the clerk says take 1000 of these and come back in a week. the first guy goes into the drug store and says wow those pills really work my penis is now this big ----------. later that week the second guy walks in and says WOW those pill really work my penis is now ---------------------------------- this bịg the third guy come in shouting wahoo and walks into the drug store and closes the door and the frount of his pants rip to reveal a penis this big

Silly collection 01

author: unknown

What are prehistoric monsters called when they sleep?
A dinosnore!

What is the fruitiest lesson?
History, because it's full of dates!

What language do they speak in Cuba?
Cubic!

Why did the stupid racing driver make ten pitstops during the race?
He was asking for directions!

How do you keep an imbecile happy all his life?
Tell him a joke
when he's a baby!

What illness did everyone on the Enterprise catch?
Chicken Spocks!

What is a myth?
A female moth!

The Whole Truth

At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth".
The boy decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth."
His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth."
The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."
The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your father a big hug."

Arthritis

A drunk man who smelled like rum sat down on a subway seat next to a
priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick,and
a half bottle of Bacardi was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the
man turned to the priest and asked, "SayFather", d'ya know what
causes arthritis?
Yes, my son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap,wicked
women, drinking too much alcohol, having contempt for your fellow
men, sleeping around with prostitutes, lack of bath, and things like
that....
Well, I'll be darn, the drunk muttered returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and
apologized saying: I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so
strongly. How long have you had arthritis?
I don't have it, Father. I was just readin' here that the Pope does.

Stress Reliever

author: collection

Stress Reliever # 1

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"

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