Jokes contributed by tweedygirl - HYIPs Talk

tweedygirl · #1 (**permalink**) 05-09-2007, 11:31 PM

Home Show:

"What happened with that girl I introduced you to at the dance?" Bert asked his friend George. "Nothing," George replied sadly. "I asked her four times if I could see her home and she said that if I was that keen she'd fax me a photo of her house."

tweedygirl · #2 (**permalink**) 05-09-2007, 11:36 PM

Divorce Letter

Dear Husband: I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.

I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.

These last two weeks have been h*ll. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee.

You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game.

You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything.

Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, what ever the case is, I'm gone.

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life! Your EX-Wife

Dear Ex-Wife Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been.

I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging.

Too bad that doesn't work.

I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice.

When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it.

I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.

So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica.

But when I got home you were gone.

Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always wanted.

My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me.

So take care.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem. Signed Rich As h*ll and Free!

tweedygirl · #3 (**permalink**) 05-09-2007, 11:58 PM

Poor Man

One day a barrister was riding in his big car when he saw a man eating grass He told the driver to stop. He got out and asked him, 'Why are you eating grass?'.

The man replied, 'I'm so poor, I can't afford a thing to eat'.

So the barrister said, 'Poor guy! come back to my house.'

The man then said, 'But I have a wife and three kids.' The barrister told him to bring them along.

When they were all in the car, the poor man said, 'Thanks for taking us back to your house, it is so kind of you.'

The barrister said, 'You're going to love it there, the grass is a foot tall.'

tweedygirl · #4 (**permalink**) 05-09-2007, 11:59 PM

Pupil

Pupil (on phone) : My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is this?
Pupil: This is my father speaking

tweedygirl · #5 (**permalink**) 05-10-2007, 12:01 AM

A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming
down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to
the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's
side).

While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like
claws and roar...so it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step,
ROAR all the way down the aisle.

As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from
laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. The
little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed
from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time
he reached the pulpit.

When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said,
"I was being the Ring Bear..."

thepotato · #6 (**permalink**) 05-16-2007, 11:08 AM

Cool Site Thanks a lot joke so cool

thekingstorm5 · #7 (**permalink**) 05-19-2007, 12:19 AM

hahahahahahahahahahah
this is very funny
thanks for you and for all